I'm pretty sure all he heard was, "You're a bad kid. You never do anything right," because that's what he believes about himself.
I've been thinking, if Royal was in a wheelchair because his legs didn't work and we were mad at him for not walking, that would be our problem, not his. If he was in Kindergarten and couldn't solve an algebraic equation and we were mad about it, that would be our problem, not his.
Why is it so hard for us (me, family, teachers) to realize that the mad we feel due to his behavior is our problem, not his.
We can't continue to be disappointed with him all the time. We can't keep telling him he's not good enough, not performing well. We just can't.
He isn't acting out to make us feel insecure about our ability to parent, teach, or coach. What he doesn't need (and what I don't need), are judges disguised as people "who care." If you really care, say something privately to me me like, "I've noticed Royal is having a hard time lately, is everything okay?" Or, "I'm praying for you and Royal. I know what you're going through is hard." Or- nothing. Keep all advice to yourself and trust that I've read every book, and tried every method available to me to help him behave in a way that makes everyone more comfortable.
What he needs are grown-ups who can swallow all those controlling, he just needs more discipline, he's infringing on my personal view of the-way-kids-SHOULD-be thoughts, and simply accept him, love him, and take joy in him as a little human boy. He's been through a lot.
He's really good at soccer, cards, playing with friends, Magic, and capture the flag. You should watch him do those things and then tell him how awesome he is at it. Watch his face light up.
He's doing the best he can.